Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
