I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
