would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
