They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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