I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
