I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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