I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
