Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
