he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
