Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
