then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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