Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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