apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
