i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
