he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
operation have a gay friend backfired
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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