there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
