Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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