i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
