I CAN MOONWALK!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
