nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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