what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
