Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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