She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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