All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
