Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
