I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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