found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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