Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love having hate sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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