If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
