dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
