did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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