she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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