Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
