dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
