My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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