you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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