apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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