well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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