I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
