i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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