I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
