Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
