Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
