To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
