i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
