I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
