We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
