Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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