i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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