You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
