Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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