I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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