At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
