Non-Jews are for practice
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
