Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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