I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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