Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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