Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
