I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
