Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
