Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize