It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
