I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
