she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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