Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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