He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
did i just pee glitter
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
