I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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