Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
