what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
