only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
