i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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