Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
