Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
