could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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