bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
