What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
