Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
