he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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